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On The Down Low
"We can
keep it on the down low... Nobody has to know... Secret
lovers is what you wanna be...
What is a man to do in a
situation like this? I feel there is something that I
don't wanna miss."
-R
Kelly Song Lyrics
Downlow (or "On the Downlow" or "DL") may refer to any
(indecent or salacious) activity or relationship that is kept discreet or private.
Generally, it may refer to any kind of secret hook-up,
cheating, infidelity,
extramarital affair, or covert rendezvous. Specifically,
it may refer to keeping an act or action hidden or
keeping any
piece of information a secret ("I'll tell you, but I
want you to keep it on the down low").
Downlow synonyms include: low key, low profile, hush
hush, not a word, no tell, on the sly.
On
the Downlow: What Does it Mean?
Is Your Man on the Downlow?
Why Straight Men Have Sex With Other Men
Wikipedia: Men Who Have Sex With Men
JL King: On the Downlow
Reasons Straight Men Hook Up With Guys
Slate: Downlow and White
Downlow is sexual slang for men who are straight
(heterosexual), and identify as straight, but have sex
with men (often a friend) on the side without disclosing
the activity to their female partner.
Some men in heterosexual relationships have sex with
other men without the knowledge of their wives or
girlfriends. Often these men do not consider themselves
gay or bisexual.
The term has most often been associated with African
American men. Although the term originated in the
African American community, the behaviors associated
with the term are not new and not specific to black men
who have sex with men. There are reports of rural white
men who engage in downlow activity.
Often, downlow behavior occurs in settings and cultures
in which being gay is socially unacceptable or morally
taboo and fiercely prohibited. It also occurs in
cultures in which masculinity (or machismo) is held in
high regard and the notion of a man acting feminine is
abhorrent. While the practice of
straight men secretly having sex with men is witnessed across
all ethnic groups, it appears to be more prominent in
communities in which traditional values are strictly
applied and rigid rules foster intolerance.
Web MD: Straight Men Having Gay Sex
Reasons Straight Men Hook
Up With Guys
Info: Skirt Club
Can You Have Sex With
Other Men and Still Identify as
Straight?
NY Times: Double Lives on the Down Low
Info: Unfaithful Spouse
Reasons Straight Men Hook Up With Guys
Why Straight Men Have Sex With Other Men
Wikipedia: Down Low, Sexual Slang
Bud Sex Between Straight
Rural Men
R Kelly Music Video: Downlow, Nobody Has
to Know
Info: Monogamy
What is MSM?
Men who have sex with men (males who have sex with
males), abbreviated as MSM, are male persons who engage
in sexual activity with members of the same sex,
regardless of how they identify themselves. MSM can
describe any men who choose not to accept social
identities of gay or bisexual. The term was created in
the 1990s by epidemiologists in order to study the
spread of disease among men who have sex with men,
regardless of identity.
MSM is often used in medical literature and social
research to describe such men as a group for research
studies without considering issues of
self-identification regarding sexual orientation.
On
the Downlow: What Does it Mean?
Is Your Man on the Downlow?
Reasons Straight Men Hook Up With Guys
Wikipedia: Men Who Have Sex With Men
Why Straight Men Have Sex With Other Men
JL King: On the Downlow
Slate: Downlow and White
What is SGL?
Same-gender-loving, or SGL, a term coined for African
American use by activist Cleo Manago, is a description
for homosexuals and bisexuals in the African American
community. It emerged in the early 1990s as a culturally
affirming African American homosexual identity.
SGL was adapted as an Afrocentric alternative to what
are deemed Eurocentric homosexual identities (gay and
lesbian) which do not culturally affirm or engage the
history and cultures of people of African descent. The
term SGL usually has broad, important and positive
personal, social, and political purposes and
consequences.
In a 2004 study of African American men, most of whom
were recruited from black gay organizations, 12%
identified as same-gender-loving, while 53% identified
as gay. Men attending Black Gay Pride Festivals in nine
US cities in 2000 responded similarly, with 10%
identifying as same-gender-loving, 66% as gay, and 14%
as bisexual. Recent studies indicate that
African-American disadvantaged youths are less likely
than Euro-American youths to self-label as gay,
lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or queer.
The term AGL (All Gender Loving) is slowly being
recognized as well. AGL is a label for bisexual and
pansexual Black people. The word's origin is unknown,
though it is most commonly attributed to Black LGBTQ
people who are active in gender/sexuality discussions
across social media.
Web MD: Straight Men Having Gay Sex
Info: Skirt Club
NY Times: Double Lives on the Down Low
Info: Unfaithful Spouse
Wikipedia: Down Low, Sexual Slang
Bud Sex Between Straight
Rural Men
R Kelly Music Video: Downlow, Nobody Has
to Know
Info: Monogamy
Reasons Straight Men Hook Up With Guys
Can You Have Sex With Other Men and Still
Identify as Straight?
Down Low
Culture
The term "downlow" originated in the Black community,
and was originally used to describe "any kind of slick,
secretive behavior, including infidelity in heterosexual
relationships."
According to a study published in the Journal of
Bisexuality, "The Down Low is a lifestyle predominately
practiced by young, urban Black men who have sex with
other men and women, yet do not identify as gay or
bisexual."
In this context, "being on the Down Low" is more than
just men having sex with men in secret, or a variant of
closeted homosexuality or bisexuality. It is a
sexual identity that is, at least partly, defined by its
"cult of masculinity" and its rejection of what is
perceived as white culture (including white LGBTQ
culture) and terms.
Web MD: Straight Men Having Gay Sex
NY Times: Double Lives on the Down Low
Info: Unfaithful Spouse
Wikipedia: Down Low, Sexual Slang
Bud Sex Between Straight
Rural Men
R Kelly Music Video: Downlow, Nobody Has
to Know
Reasons Straight Men Hook Up With Guys
Can You Have Sex With Other Men and Still
Identify as Straight?
A 2003 New
York Times Magazine cover story on the Down Low
phenomenon explains that the black community sees
"homosexuality as a white man's perversion." It then
goes on to describe the Down Low culture as follows:
"Rejecting a gay culture they perceive as white and
effeminate, many black men have settled on a new
identity, with its own vocabulary and customs and its
own name: Down Low. There have always been men (black
and white) who have had secret sexual lives with men.
But the creation of an organized, underground subculture
largely made up of black men who otherwise live straight
lives is a phenomenon of the last decade. Most date or
marry women and engage sexually with men they meet only
in anonymous settings like bathhouses and parks or
through the Internet. Many of these men are young and
from the inner city, where they live in a hypermasculine
thug culture. Other DL men form romantic relationships
with men and may even be peripheral participants in
mainstream gay culture, all unknown to their colleagues
and families. Most DL men identify themselves not as gay
or bisexual but first and foremost as black. To them, as
to many blacks, that equates to being inherently
masculine."
On
the Downlow: What Does it Mean?
Is Your Man on the Downlow?
Reasons Straight Men Hook Up With Guys
Wikipedia: Men Who Have Sex With Men
Why Straight Men Have Sex With Other Men
JL King: On the Downlow
Slate: Downlow and White
Info: Skirt Club
Why Straight Men
Have Sex With Other Men
A sociology professor has finally answered the age old
question: why do ‘straight’ men enjoy sex with other
men? In his new book Still Straight: Sexual
Flexibility Among White Men in Rural America, UBC
professor Tony Silva explores the secretive sex lives of
men who have hookups, sexual friendships and even loving
relationships with other men, yet continue to identify
as straight.
Drawing on 60 interviews across the US, Silva challenges
the common notion that such men are simply closeted due
to their internalised homophobia.
Why Straight Men Have Sex With Other Men
On
the Downlow: What Does it Mean?
Is Your Man on the Downlow?
Wikipedia: Men Who Have Sex With Men
JL King: On the Downlow
Can You Have Sex With
Other Men and Still Identify as
Straight?
Reasons Straight Men Hook
Up With Guys
Slate: Downlow and White
“The majority of the men I interviewed reported that
they are primarily attracted to women, not men,” he
explained in the Georgia Straight. For some, it’s just
about having a more active sex life – they don’t
consider gay sex cheating and see it as a loophole in
their marriage. Some held stereotypical beliefs about
female sexuality, and feared that female lovers would
become “emotionally clingy” and threaten their marriage.
For others, sex with men allows them to experience
pleasure without the pressure to be in control. Some
were simply lonely and unsure how to reach out for human
touch in a way that felt masculine. “I find it
particularly interesting and ironic that their
conservative beliefs about gender actually encourage
them to have sex with men,” Silva noted.
As to why these men maintain that they are straight,
rather than bisexual, he says there are many reasons for
this too. “Most of the men identified as straight
because they felt that this identity best reflected
their romantic relationships with women, their
integration in communities composed mostly of straight
people, or the way they understood their masculinity,”
the professor said.
“Identifying as straight also meant they could avoid
stigma and feel connected to a socially dominant group.
Many felt that sex with men was irrelevant to their
identities given other aspects of their lives. They felt
that heterosexuality and masculinity were ‘normal’ and
expected of them.”
Sexuality is multidimensional, and attractions,
behaviors and identities do not always align – so when a
straight-identified man has sex with another man, he
views himself as straight despite sex with men,
according to Silva. “While many people understandably
think that men are ‘closeted’ if they have sex with
other men yet identify as straight, this is not exactly
true,” he said.
“These men are secretive about their sexual behavior,
but not their identity. In fact, sexual encounters with
men are mostly irrelevant to their identity.”
[Source:
Emma Powys Maurice, Pink News, March 2021]
Why Straight Men Have Sex With Other Men
On
the Downlow: What Does it Mean?
Is Your Man on the Downlow?
Wikipedia: Men Who Have Sex With Men
JL King: On the Downlow
Can You Have Sex With
Other Men and Still Identify as
Straight?
Reasons Straight Men Hook
Up With Guys
Slate: Downlow and White
Down Low Memoir
Author JL King has written three books about the downlow
phenomenon, most recently, "On the Down Low: A Journey
into the Lives of Straight Black Men Who Sleep with
Men."
Joe Moe, a critic for Amazon, submitted the following
review of King's latest book: The closer a secret is
kept, the more powerful the impact once it is finally
revealed. Such is the case with author and activist JL
King's intriguing look at the lives and lifestyles of
black men who sleep with other men but do not consider
themselves to be gay. These men live "on the down low,"
the "DL" for short, and their sexual activities have
gained significant notice as the rate of HIV/AIDS
infection in black women has skyrocketed, with the vast
majority of cases coming from heterosexual sex.
King is a veteran of the DL phenomenon himself and his
book serves partly as a social and psychological survey
of the other men he has surveyed and partly as highly
candid memoir. King was well regarded in his community,
popular at his church, successful in his career, and
married to a woman who had no idea that his secret life
existed. But when she caught him in a lie and with
another man, the marriage collapsed and King's long and
painful path to self-awareness began. King cites the
negative image many socially conservative black men have
of homosexuality as an obstacle to those men being
honest with their partners and themselves about who they
are.
Among the more intriguing elements of "On the Down Low"
are the peculiar approaches men on the DL have to the
sexual act, seeking a strictly physical sexual
relationship with their secret male partners while
remaining in more traditional arrangements with women.
Whether this discrepancy is a product of scrupulously
guarded secrecy and shame or the natural preference of
an understudied sexual identity is one of the numerous
questions raised by this book. Though the infection
statistics make the DL a huge public health issue, King
is neither a sociologist nor a medical professional. And
while a more clinical look at this issue would be
welcome, King accomplished what he set out to do:
provide light and insight into a world that so many have
worked so hard to keep in the shadows.
Web MD: Straight Men Having Gay Sex
NY Times: Double Lives on the Down Low
Info: Skirt Club
Why Straight Men Have Sex With Other Men
Info: Unfaithful Spouse
Wikipedia: Down Low, Sexual Slang
Can You Have Sex With
Other Men and Still Identify as
Straight?
Bud Sex Between Straight
Rural Men
Reasons Straight Men Hook Up With Guys
R Kelly Music Video: Downlow, Nobody Has
to Know
Info: Monogamy
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