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BODY IMAGE

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Body Image and Shame

Beauty has no size, no skin tone, no hair color, no eye color, no facial features, no muscle definition… for we are all uniquely beautiful and the standards are unreal.

Body image and shame are two interlinked concepts that have a profound impact on individuals' mental and emotional well-being. Body image refers to the perception, thoughts, and feelings one has about their own body, while shame is the intense feeling of inadequacy or unworthiness often associated with perceived flaws or imperfections. The relationship between body image and shame is intricate and can be shaped by societal influences, media representation, cultural norms, and personal experiences. In this essay, we will explore the detrimental effects of body image issues and shame on individuals and society while highlighting the importance of fostering a positive body image and combating shame.

Physical Fitness vs. Body Shaming

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All About Body Image: How Psychologists Define It and How It Affects Health and Well-Being
Fatphobia is Alive and Rampant in the Gay Male Community
Jameela Jamil Defends Sam Smith After the Singer was Body-Shamed
Body Image, Sexual Orientation, and Gender Identity

The Guide: Gay Bodies and Expressions

Society plays a pivotal role in shaping our perceptions of the ideal body. Media, advertisements, and social platforms often perpetuate unrealistic beauty standards that are unattainable for the majority of people. This constant bombardment of images featuring flawless bodies can lead individuals to compare themselves and develop negative body images. As a result, many individuals may experience feelings of shame when their appearance does not align with these artificial standards.

A negative body image can significantly impact an individual's self-esteem. When someone feels dissatisfied with their appearance, they may experience a constant fear of judgment and rejection, which further fuels feelings of shame. Low self-esteem and shame can create a vicious cycle, leading to social withdrawal, anxiety, depression, and even eating disorders as individuals attempt to attain the societal "ideal" and avoid shame.

Ways to Deal with Body Shaming

Men in the Mirror: A Closer Look at Body Image
Sam Smith Opens Up About Overcoming Body Dysmorphia
Why Body Image Issues Pervade the Gay Community

For Shame, Body Shamers!

No Fats, No Fems: Everything That's Wrong With the Gay Community

The relationship between body image and shame can have severe consequences for mental health. Feelings of shame can erode self-worth and lead to a distorted perception of oneself. The constant self-criticism and negative self-talk can manifest in various mental health issues, such as anxiety disorders, body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), and depression. These mental health challenges may, in turn, exacerbate body image issues and perpetuate the cycle of shame.

Promoting body diversity and acceptance is crucial in challenging the harmful societal beauty standards and reducing shame associated with body image. Encouraging positive body image means celebrating and accepting bodies of all shapes, sizes, and appearances. Recognizing that beauty comes in various forms helps foster a culture of body positivity, where individuals can embrace their uniqueness and feel less inclined to compare themselves to unattainable ideals.

The Guide: Gay Bodies and Expressions

Why We Need Queer Fat Representation: We Are Worth Taking Up Space

Sam Smith Unapologetically Speaks on Body Dysmorphia Amidst Recent Fat Shaming
Comments About Sam Smith's Sequined Jumpsuit Show Body Shaming Is Still an Unfortunate Reality
Lizzo on Body-Shaming Comments on Social Media

If Sam Smith Was Thin, Cis And Straight, They Wouldn’t Be Ridiculed

Sam Smith Opens Up About Overcoming Body Dysmorphia

Addressing shame associated with body image requires a multifaceted approach. Education is key to understanding that everyone has imperfections, and that is perfectly normal. Increasing awareness about the detrimental effects of unrealistic beauty standards can help combat shame and empower individuals to challenge these unrealistic norms.

Furthermore, promoting open discussions about body image, self-acceptance, and mental health can create supportive environments that encourage vulnerability and foster self-compassion. Therapeutic interventions, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), can also be effective in challenging negative thought patterns and developing healthier perceptions of one's body.

The connection between body image and shame is a complex and pervasive issue that affects countless individuals. The negative influence of societal beauty standards and media representations has contributed to the development of unrealistic body ideals, leading to feelings of shame when one fails to meet these standards. By promoting body diversity, acceptance, and positive self-image, we can combat shame and create a society where individuals can embrace their bodies with love, compassion, and acceptance. It is crucial to continue working towards a world that values individuals for their unique qualities and contributions, rather than their appearance, thus fostering a healthier and more inclusive society for all.

Sam Smith Photo Incited a Body-Shaming Debate on Gay Twitter
Study Proves Gay Men Fat Shame One Another

Men in the Mirror: A Closer Look at Body Image

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Belly Kisses by Rachel Wiley

Sam Smith Opens Up About Overcoming Body Dysmorphia

Sam Smith has been on quite the journey. Alongside their music career, the singer has been on a quest of self-discovery, leading them to feel happier and more fulfilled than ever before. Since coming out as nonbinary in 2019 and announcing their change of pronouns, the "Unholy" singer has overcome body dysmorphia and finally feels comfortable in their skin.

"My mum says that, as I've got older, I've stopped caring what people think as much. She tends to be right," they told The Sunday Times in a January 2022 interview. Smith has come such a long way. Where once, they would struggle to take their top off at the swimming pool and dealt with body-image issues in school, they now appear topless on the cover of their latest album, "Gloria," and star in the video of their new track "I'm Not Here to Make Friends" wearing a corset, bejeweled pants, and nipple pasties.

"Within my industry there is definitely that question of, 'What should a pop star look like?" they said. "When I was 25 I came off tour exhausted. I looked to role models in the body world. Every time I went to the pool I felt self-conscious, but I forced myself to take my top off. It paid off because I now have the opposite of body dysmorphia. I look fabulous. I'm finally getting a tan. I'm burnt in places I've never been burnt."

Sam Smith Unapologetically Speaks on Body Dysmorphia Amidst Recent Fat Shaming
Comments About Sam Smith's Sequined Jumpsuit Show Body Shaming Is Still an Unfortunate Reality
If Sam Smith Was Thin, Cis And Straight, They Wouldn’t Be Ridiculed

Sam Smith Opens Up About Overcoming Body Dysmorphia
Jameela Jamil Defends Sam Smith After the Singer was Body-Shamed
Sam Smith Photo Incited a Body-Shaming Debate on Gay Twitter

According to the National Health Service of England, body dysmorphia is "a mental health condition where a person spends a lot of time worrying about flaws in their appearance. These flaws are often unnoticeable to others." Therapy, support groups, or antidepressants are often suggested to help those with the condition.

Smith has previously spoken of their image struggles, telling The Times in 2020: "For me, what triggered everything was the work I was doing with my body issues. I always had body dysmorphia. As I started to address that, I started to address my gender and realized that I was holding myself to these ideals of how a man should look." Smith sought therapy and credits it with making them realize there were many layers to their feelings. "I have girl thighs and I have girl breasts too. It started to awaken this conversation that had always been in the back of my mind."

The LGBTQ Body Image Problem

The Guide: Gay Bodies and Expressions

How Body Shaming and Body Dysmorphia Affect the Gay Community
Belly Kisses by Rachel Wiley

At New York’s Fat Queer Beach Day, Everyone Is Hot
Why We Need Queer Fat Representation: We Are Worth Taking Up Space
Ways to Deal with Body Shaming
Why Body Image Issues Pervade the Gay Community

Fatphobia is Alive and Rampant in the Gay Male Community
Body Image, Sexual Orientation, and Gender Identity
Study Proves Gay Men Fat Shame One Another

While Smith has learned to love their body, they are still faced with cruel comments from others online. Most recently, they wore a fabulous sequined Valentino jumpsuit to the Capital Jingle Bell Ball in December 2022, a similar getup to Harry Styles's onstage looks. Yet while Styles was met with praise, Smith was met with abusive body-shaming comments. "All I can say is that I looked fabulous," they said, laughing.

With the 2023 Brits Awards on the horizon, Smith added their disappointment at the lack of inclusion at the award show. After campaigning for gender-neutral categories, the Brits changed its awards in 2022, but it has faced criticism this year for failing to nominate a single woman in the artist of the year category. "It is a shame," Smith agreed in the most recent interview with The Sunday Times. "Things are moving forward, but it's obvious it's not there yet. From seeing that best artist list, there is still a long way to go."

As Smith prepares to perform at the Brits and the Grammys, it's clear they feel more authentic, confident, and powerful in their body. "Writing sad songs used to be easy, while leaning into joy was tough. I'm happier in my own skin on Gloria. I feel liberated, released from pressures I felt when I was young," the 30-year-old explained. Yet they are keen to point out that self-discovery never stops. "I get closer to who I am with each album," the singer said. "But I never want to get there." For our sake, we hope there are many more Smith eras to come.

[Source: Joely Chilcott, Pop Sugar, February 2023]

The LGBTQ Body Image Problem

Queen: Fat Bottomed Girls

The Ideal Woman’s Body, According To Science

At New York’s Fat Queer Beach Day, Everyone Is Hot

How Body Shaming and Body Dysmorphia Affect the Gay Community
All About Body Image: How Psychologists Define It and How It Affects Health and Well-Being
Sam Smith Unapologetically Speaks on Body Dysmorphia Amidst Recent Fat Shaming
Comments About Sam Smith's Sequined Jumpsuit Show Body Shaming Is Still an Unfortunate Reality

Study That Proves Gay Men Fat Shame One Another

If you self-identify as a gay, bisexual and/or otherwise queer man, you've probably experienced, witnessed or perpetrated some form of fat shaming. A recent study in Psychology of Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity refers to this as the more scientific-sounding "anti-fat bias."

A report entitled, "Fat Chance! Experiences and Expectations of Anti-fat Bias in the Gay Male Community," used two studies to explore just how anti-fat gay men are, because simply logging into Grindr doesn't carry quite the same professional heft.

The first study found that out of 215 gay men, age 18 to 78, over one third of them had directly experienced anti-fat bias, even though most of them were not overweight using common body mass index guidelines. These men also reported that the most common form of anti-fat bias they received was from potential romantic partners, which was associated with several types of body image disturbance.

The second study compared the expectations of anti-fat bias among gay and straight college men. These 'mos and bros rated the likelihood of certain outcomes if they saw an overweight man hit on an attractive target. Basically, if they saw a fat guy hitting on someone out of his league, what would they expect to happen?

Gay men reported greater likelihood that the overweight man would be blatantly ignored, treated rudely, or mocked behind his back if he approached an attractive potential romantic partner.

The shade of it all. So not only do gay men face anti-fat bias, regardless of actual weight, we also expect our peers to exhibit the same kind of behavior in our pursuit of love, or what have you. The results aren't surprising, which is perhaps the worst part of this study. It only confirms what so many of us have experienced and further illustrates a problem that it seems has plagued gay men for as long as anything resembling a gay community has existed. A problem that is exacerbated by the media and perpetuated by hookup culture.

Amy Schumer Talks Fat-Shaming, Hits Back at Body Critics

Jameela Jamil Defends Sam Smith After the Singer was Body-Shamed
Sam Smith Photo Incited a Body-Shaming Debate on Gay Twitter
Ariel Winter Responds to Body-Shaming Comments on Instagram
Lizzo Addresses Fat-Shaming Comments

There's no simple solution to fixing generations of this anti-fat bias. The idolization of the male body has always been part and parcel of gay culture. But that's why we have bears. And otters and cubs. And others in this sexual menagerie that reject and subvert the idea of the ideal body.

One simple solution we can all do, however, is to stop broadcasting ignorance and prejudice, like, if you're filling out a dating profile maybe, I dunno, leave out the "no fats, femmes" bullshit. Just a thought. Oh, and don't fuck with others who use that kind of language. You know, gay it forward, be the change you want to see in the world.

[Source: Les Fabian Brathwaite, Out Magazine, Feb 2016]

The LGBTQ Body Image Problem

The Guide: Gay Bodies and Expressions

How Body Shaming and Body Dysmorphia Affect the Gay Community
Sam Smith Unapologetically Speaks on Body Dysmorphia Amidst Recent Fat Shaming
Queen: Fat Bottomed Girls

At New York’s Fat Queer Beach Day, Everyone Is Hot

Comments About Sam Smith's Sequined Jumpsuit Show Body Shaming Is Still an Unfortunate Reality
Ways to Deal with Body Shaming
Sam Smith Opens Up About Overcoming Body Dysmorphia
Why Body Image Issues Pervade the Gay Community

For Shame, Body Shamers!

Why We Need Queer Fat Representation: We Are Worth Taking Up Space

I Was Feeling So Good About Myself

Peanut and Odette sitting at the bar talking...

Peanut: Back in my twenties, when I first started going out to the bars, I remember I went out and bought me an ensemble. I looked amazing. I had on tight black jeans, black cowboy boots with big heels, and a black fringe leather jacket. I walk in this this bar down the street called Moby Dick's. And I was feeling so good about myself. There were two evil queens leaning up against the bar there. One of them pokes the other one and says, "Oh look Mary, there's one for you!" Then they burst out laughing.

Odette: Well that's just so mean.

Peanut: I went home, I threw out that entire outfit and I started paying for sex.

Odette: You did not!

Peanut: I did, and I do. That way... I can never be rejected. It's all about bodies and looks in this little gay world of ours. I mean look at me. I'm just a short, weird guy, big ears. I got hair on my back. Honey, that's the gay cardinal sin. And now you can add old to my list of sins.

[Source: Southern Baptist Sissies, Play by Del Shores]

The LGBTQ Body Image Problem

Queen: Fat Bottomed Girls

The Ideal Woman’s Body, According To Science
How Body Shaming and Body Dysmorphia Affect the Gay Community
All About Body Image: How Psychologists Define It and How It Affects Health and Well-Being
Sam Smith Unapologetically Speaks on Body Dysmorphia Amidst Recent Fat Shaming
Comments About Sam Smith's Sequined Jumpsuit Show Body Shaming Is Still an Unfortunate Reality
Ways to Deal with Body Shaming

Men in the Mirror: A Closer Look at Body Image
Sam Smith Opens Up About Overcoming Body Dysmorphia
Why Body Image Issues Pervade the Gay Community

For Shame, Body Shamers!

No Fats, No Fems: Everything That's Wrong With the Gay Community

We Need Queer Fat Representation

Author Christen Randall talks about writing the book she needed as a teenager

As a fat, bisexual teen, sharing my body with a girl made me anxious. Boys, after all, were so critical of it. They speculated about the size of my nipples (pepperoni, probably) or shape of my butt (like a frog’s), followed behind me in gym making sound effects for my jiggling thighs. Poking and prodding in front of the mirror, I convinced myself someone who had actual knowledge of those parts would be even more aware of how critically flawed mine were.

I found no counters to the argument that played over and over in my head in the early 2000’s queer media I consumed. What little I had access to featured slim, fashionable twenty-somethings who lived in big cities, led scandalous lives. I can’t remember a single queer fat person in any of the shows I watched or books I read. The ones that did have (cisgender, straight) fat characters cast them as support or, more insidiously, the “problem” lead who got skinny to get the guy.

Because I couldn’t imagine myself fitting into the world where I lived or the stories where I escaped, I concluded it was simply too much to be both queer and fat at the same time. I was doing queer wrong. It wasn’t until my early 30’s that I believed for the first time that I wasn’t – that it was okay to love and live in my body as a queer body. This revolutionary understanding came with a sorrow for all the time I wasted fearing it. It came, too, with a fierce joy.

Sharing that joy is the heart of why I wrote The No-Girlfriend Rule, my geeky young adult love letter to fat queers and the magic that happens when we take that first brave step into our truth. It is also – as I have heard so many of my fellow queer authors echo about our work – the book I needed as a teenager. If I had grown up with a character like Hollis, who is queer and fat and, ultimately, finds love and acceptance from her friends and herself, I might have found those things sooner.

In creating space to root for queer, fat characters being loved not despite their bodies but fully embraced within them, we allow those who look and love like them to believe they are worth rooting for, too. Characters like Hollis provide the self-loving counterargument I needed for the rising generation – and for the anxious, queer, fat teens that still yearn to be seen within so many of us: we are worth taking up space within our community exactly as we are.

[Source: Christen Randall, Diva Magazine, May 2024]

Physical Fitness vs. Body Shaming

The Guide: Gay Bodies and Expressions

At New York’s Fat Queer Beach Day, Everyone Is Hot

Fatphobia is Alive and Rampant in the Gay Male Community
Jameela Jamil Defends Sam Smith After the Singer was Body-Shamed
Body Image, Sexual Orientation, and Gender Identity

All About Body Image: How Psychologists Define It and How It Affects Health and Well-Being
Sam Smith Photo Incited a Body-Shaming Debate on Gay Twitter

At New York’s Fat Queer Beach Day, Everyone Is Hot

At New York’s Fat Queer Beach Day, I chatted with fat queer friends old and new about the beach, queer spaces, and overcoming shame.

What made you decide to organize this event?

I love the beach. Over the course of my life, it’s been a really beautiful place of community-building with chosen family and just being in a space where the only thing you need to do is vibe. I wanted to make an event where my community could come together, especially in a time where I feel like people are very isolated. A lot of community spaces cost a lot of money, and are not accessible, and are not necessarily friendly to people of various identities. A lot of fat spaces are not super queer-focused, not very racially diverse, or not trans-friendly, and so I wanted to make a space during Pride where we could do that.

Study Proves Gay Men Fat Shame One Another
Grindr Users Share Their Experiences of Body Shaming
Don't Let Body Shame Keep You From Celebrating Pride

Men in the Mirror: A Closer Look at Body Image

The Ideal Woman’s Body, According To Science

Belly Kisses by Rachel Wiley

Can you talk about the first time that you remember feeling pride over shame?

I think it was actually the first time that I came to Riis. I was with my best friends at the time, and I was around a lot of people that I didn’t know. I didn’t feel stared at. I didn’t feel ostracized by language, vibes, or side eyes. It’s a space where people are free to just be themselves with no expectations or judgments. Being in the community here allowed me to shed whatever was left of that, because community heals, guys. It heals so much.

What do you feel is unique about having a fat queer community?

Honestly, when you’re in community with other fat people, you realize that no one looks the same at all and we can’t really be put in a monolith, but it’s really nice when you see other people with similar body types as you. It makes you feel like there’s someone there who will listen to you if something does happen. And also to share happy moments with you without [it being surface-level], really “look inside” type shit.

When was the first time you chose Pride over shame?

The first [time] that comes to mind is [when] I got invited to a Fat Fashion show. The way I was hooting and hollering, it was one of the first times that I remember really celebrating a fat body. Also, I’m polyamorous, so I’m also involved in ethical non-monogamy and group sex spaces. My first group play party was also really formative for me in terms of [feeling] comfortable in my body, and my sexuality, and my self-expression. That was really powerful.

Physical Fitness vs. Body Shaming

At New York’s Fat Queer Beach Day, Everyone Is Hot

Why We Need Queer Fat Representation: We Are Worth Taking Up Space

What does this fat queer beach day mean to you?

I’ve been fat since as long as I can remember. When it came to specifically recognizing that I was queer, I was like, Oh no, you have two bulls against you. You are fat and you’re openly queer and you’re in school — the worst place to be in, where everyone’s learning about themselves [and] judging themselves for being who they are. Today means looking around and being like, No, you were fine all along.

I remember walking in the hallways and being like, Okay, suck in your waist and don’t look at that girl, or whatever. That’s ridiculous. You were supposed to be who you were this entire time and I feel like this day is just commemorative of that, because I know I’m not the only person that went through something like that. Now, we’re already through the bad part. It’s like [this] deep relief, the deep sigh. That’s what today feels like. It’s amazing.

Have you ever felt unwelcome in a queer space?

Last year, around Pride Month, there was a Black queer party. I went to [buy] a ticket, and it was like $50 or $60. I understand it’s Pride Season and everyone’s trying to get it as exclusive as possible so people could be excited to go. But in that moment, I was so deeply uncomfortable because I was with my friend who didn’t have the money to go. And it was already up to $70 at the door, [so we decided to split up.]

I met a couple of people that night. They were all skinny. When we went in, I could tell I was being treated a little differently. I wished I was with my friend. They had a good time at another bar, and I was having a solid time listening to music, but I didn’t feel that it was representative of my community. It made me look forward to Pride in a different way. It made me want to just be around my people. That [night] radicalized me down.

What does this fat queer beach day mean to you?

I truly think it means getting to be your most authentic self around your best friends in the whole world while getting vitamin D after long winters. This is the summer solstice, so it was a perfect time to come out. I think summer’s transformative. A lot of us [are] meeting each other for the first time and a lot of us have trouble meeting each other because it’s hard to be at the same place at the same time, so it’s super cool.

What do you feel is the role of plus-size fashion when it comes to fat acceptance and fat activism?

I mean, if straight-size fashion isn’t doing it, someone’s gotta do it. We have the responsibility to show all different sizes that can wear all these clothes. Everyone’s beautiful and everybody deserves to be seen.

When was the first time you chose Pride over shame?

Honestly, I’m feeling it today. I’m 32 and I have never liked how I looked in a bikini. And today I am like, Wow, I wish my bathing suit was smaller. I want to show myself more. Someone’s been taking pictures and I am not shying away from the camera. I’m like, Yeah, I’m here.

[Source: Catherine Mhloyi, Them, July 2024]

Body Image, Sexual Orientation, and Gender Identity
Sam Smith Photo Incited a Body-Shaming Debate on Gay Twitter
Study Proves Gay Men Fat Shame One Another

Men in the Mirror: A Closer Look at Body Image

Grindr Users Share Their Experiences of Body Shaming
Don't Let Body Shame Keep You From Celebrating Pride

The Ideal Woman’s Body, According To Science

Belly Kisses by Rachel Wiley

The LGBTQ Body Image Problem

Beauty has no size, no skin tone, no hair color, no eye color, no facial features, no muscle definition… for we are all uniquely beautiful and the standards are unreal.

People in the LGBTQ community, through the combination of low self-esteem and stressful life experiences, are some of the most at-risk to develop mental health and eating disorders. Research by the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) has shown that teenagers who identified as gay, lesbian or bisexual may be at higher risk of binge-eating and purging than heterosexual peers.

We know about the common stressors that impact young people who decide to come out, such as bullying, harassment, rejection and isolation. With the emergence of social media though, a new layer has built up. LGBTQ people are more likely to suffer from stress and anxiety because of their body image, with a particularly worrying proportion of bisexuals experiencing suicidal thoughts.

Social media can affect the lives of young people in many ways. The rupture of traditional social boundaries and support circles has intensified and complicated the daily lives of millions of young people. This usually means conjuring up multiple sets of identities for different audiences, negotiating online personas by only disclosing the level of information one is comfortable with, and a blurred overlap of public and private life. This phenomenon is referred to as context collapse: the process of the construction of a private self that is revealed to some people and a public self that is assumed to be available to anyone, regardless of context.

The implications for the LGBTQ community

A common theme among sexual minority men is the pressure to present an appearance of slim and athletic which can have a negative bearing on their emotional health and develop eating disorder. Research by The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) reveals that gay and bisexual boys report being significantly more likely to have fasted, vomited, or taken laxatives or diet pills to control their weight in the last 30 days.

The newly-published report from the Mental Health Foundation refers to the ‘minority stress’ which comes from the stigma and prejudice encountered by the LGBTQ community may be “linked to body image”: “For young men who have sex with men, one study found that internalized negative attitudes towards homosexuality and sexual orientation predicted overall body dissatisfaction, muscularity dissatisfaction and body fat dissatisfaction.”

The most common symptoms range from low self-esteem to depression and self-harm, including embarrassment, bad eating habits and problems sustaining relationships with other people.

The good news is that the attitudes are improving and that there is advice and useful information available online to learn to improve our relationships with our bodies via exercises, mindfulness and new outlooks on life. Here are some examples of ways you can thing more positively about your body:

--Acknowledge your body’s faults instead of ignoring or hiding them, you may even get to like them
--Appreciate that your body has carried you all your life and does wonderful things that most of us fail to notice
--Learn to appreciate different bodies or types of bodies on social media and in the media
--Reflect on the moments when you criticize yourself and decide if this was worth it or if you could have taken some positives
--Take interesting pictures of yourself that show your body is amazing
--Ask friends who have similar body image issues for advice and pay attention to other people’s voices when they congratulate you
--Refrain form a binary approach to evaluating your own body (and others'); be more flexible than 'attractive' or 'ugly', move away from labels and focus on features individually
--Learn to consider that good health and a perfect body are different things

[Source: Turning Point]

The LGBTQ Body Image Problem

At New York’s Fat Queer Beach Day, Everyone Is Hot

How Body Shaming and Body Dysmorphia Affect the Gay Community
Sam Smith Unapologetically Speaks on Body Dysmorphia Amidst Recent Fat Shaming
Queen: Fat Bottomed Girls

For Shame, Body Shamers!

Why We Need Queer Fat Representation: We Are Worth Taking Up Space

The Guide: Gay Bodies and Expressions

Fatphobia is Alive and Rampant in the Gay Male Community

Fatphobia and weight stigma are unfortunately rampant in among gay men, in which many men experience fat-shaming, discrimination, harmful comments, and exclusion, causing a toxic environment that often ostracizes its own community members. Fatphobia can negatively affect a person’s mental and physical health, increasing their risk for eating disorders.

What is fatphobia and what are its consequences?

Fatphobia is defined as an intense hatred or fear of people living in larger bodies. It’s extremely prevalent and insidious, apparent in a variety of settings, from healthcare, the work place, transportation, social gatherings, and dating.

Fatphobia has far-reaching consequences for fat people, a term that’s been reclaimed by those living in higher-weight bodies. It leads to weight stigma, weight-based discrimination, and fat-shaming, as well as a host of other negative effects, including:

--Body dissatisfaction
--Depression
--Psychological stress
--Poor self-esteem
--Poor body image
--Disordered eating

Fatphobia is responsible for negative stereotypes about fat people, as well as the view that they are unhealthy, and these attitudes and beliefs can be seen in the gay and queer men community, causing many men to feel excluded and ostracized.

At New York’s Fat Queer Beach Day, Everyone Is Hot

If Sam Smith Was Thin, Cis And Straight, They Wouldn’t Be Ridiculed

Sam Smith Opens Up About Overcoming Body Dysmorphia
Amy Schumer Talks Fat-Shaming, Hits Back at Body Critics

Gay men, fatphobia, and toxic masculinity

Although many gay men want to believe in the inclusivity of their community, the sad fact is that gay men can be very exclusionary, toxic, and fatphobic. Gay men often deal with immense pressure to obtain the “ideal” masculine body, namely, a lean and muscular build, and that pressure is compounded by hookup apps like Grindr in which men list their thinly-veiled prejudices as “preferences,” such as “no fats” and “no femmes.”

While fatphobia in the gay men community is certainly caused by our society’s harmful attitudes related to body image and attractiveness, it may also be a product of toxic masculinity and misogyny. Many men equate fatness with femininity, thus “No Fats” and “No Femmes” often being linked on hookup apps.

This creates a culture of exclusion for queer men living in larger or higher-weight bodies who don’t feel welcome in their own community, creating further insecurity, body dissatisfaction, poor self-esteem, and feelings of rejection.

One study found that more than 33% of gay men, most of whom were not overweight according to BMI standards, reported experiencing fatphobia. And the most common type of weight stigma experienced was rejection from potential romantic partners due to weight.

A follow-up study on fatphobic attitudes from potential romantic partners found that when compared to straight, fat men approaching women, gay men in higher-weight bodies were more likely to be treated rudely, mocked, or blatantly ignored when approaching men deemed attractive by societal standards. This study shows how many gay men experience negative consequences of fatphobia, because they may not meet the impossible standards gay men set for one another.

Eating disorders in gay men

Fatphobia in the gay community can have dangerous consequences, including increased rates of eating disorders among gay men. Research has shown that gay men are more likely to have eating disorders than their straight counterparts. One study found that 14% of gay men had a current or previous eating disorder, such as anorexia nerovsa (AN) or bulimia nervosa (BN), and an additional 50% reported significant risk factors for eating disorder development.

Research also indicates that compared to straight men, gay men:

--Report less control related to eating
--Engage in more binge eating episodes
--Engage in more frequent dieting
--Engage in more purging behaviors
--Exercise more often

This is true of gay adolescents and young adults as well, who are more likely to engage in compulsive exercise, caloric restriction, binging, purging, fasting, and diet pill use. It was also found that these gay teens were more likely to experience a decrease in weight from adolescence to young adulthood.

Physical Fitness vs. Body Shaming

Fatphobia is Alive and Rampant in the Gay Male Community
Queen: Fat Bottomed Girls

The Ideal Woman’s Body, According To Science

Jameela Jamil Defends Sam Smith After the Singer was Body-Shamed
Body Image, Sexual Orientation, and Gender Identity

All About Body Image: How Psychologists Define It and How It Affects Health and Well-Being
Sam Smith Photo Incited a Body-Shaming Debate on Gay Twitter
Study Proves Gay Men Fat Shame One Another
Grindr Users Share Their Experiences of Body Shaming

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Eating disorder risk factors for gay men community

Risk factors are biological, sociological, or psychological influences that increase the likelihood of developing a mental health condition like an eating disorder. Gay men have been shown to experience the following risk factors at higher rates than heterosexual men:

--Drive for muscularity and thinness
--Body shape worries
--Weight concerns
--Eating concerns
--Poor body image
--Body image anxiety
--Internalization of “ideal” body type
--Susceptibility to advertising and marketing related to appearance
--Frequency of talking about appearance

One study found that 63% of gay men based their self-worth on their weight and appearance, while about 50% experienced dissatisfaction with their eating behaviors.

Additionally, gay men report a higher disparity between their current body shape and the body shape they think they need to obtain in order to attract a partner. And this disparity can lead to anxiety about weight, shape, and eating behaviors, including disordered eating behaviors. This research suggests that beliefs related to partner preferences can contribute to disordered eating and subsequent eating disorders in gay men.

Compared to their straight peers, gay adolescents and teens experience:

--Increased desire for toned muscles
--Higher rates of body dissatisfaction
--Greater increase in shape and weight concern as they got older
--Increased desire to resemble men in the media
--Increased focus on being lean

Other factors, such as experiencing peer pressure, living in a higher-weight body, and perceived lower levels of masculinity, lead to increases in body dissatisfaction, which can then cause disordered eating behaviors.

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Risk factors related to sexuality and gender expression

Researchers have found several risk factors that are specific to a gay man’s sexual orientation and gender presentation, including:

--Ambivalence about queerness
--Preoccupation with how others view their sexual orientation
--Attending a gay-specific recreational group
--Viewing pornography (however, this does not mean pornography is bad or harmful; it simply exposes gay men to “ideal” men’s bodies)
--Experiencing sexual objectification
--Childhood bullying for gender nonconformity
--Conforming to masculine norms
--Internalizing athletic-appearance ideals
--Experiencing discrimination
--Hiding sexual orientation from others
--Internalized homophobia
--Internalized homonegativity
--Perceived stigma
--Identifying as a member of the gay community
--Social sensitivity
--Having an unmet need to belong to the community
--Viewing femininity in a negative light
--Gender role conflict
--Being a “femme”

Eating disorders are complex, multi-faceted mental illnesses caused by a multitude of environmental and genetic influences. As such, just because a person has a few of the above risk factors, it doesn’t mean they’ll necessarily develop an eating disorder. However, it does mean they may be vulnerable to disordered eating.

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Combating fatphobia in the gay community

If you are a member of the gay community and want to actively work to combat fatphobia exhibited by fellow queer men, here are some things you can do:

--Educate yourself on fatphobia, both overt and covert examples, the various settings it occurs in, and its harmful effects
--Educate yourself about initiatives like Health At Every Size (HAES)
--Read about diet culture and how it influences fatphobia and weight stigma
--Follow social media accounts advocating and organizing for fat liberation
--Examine your own misogyny and the beliefs you’ve internalized about attraction and worth
--Challenge the fatphobic attitudes of others within and outside of your community
--Correct people when they refer to their prejudices as “preferences”
--Learn to appreciate and celebrate your own body, no matter the size, shape, or weight
--Avoid self-criticism and toxic body appearance talk
--Avoid using judgmental and shaming language related to food, such as “good” or “bad” foods
--Take a zero-tolerance stance on weight discrimination, fatphobia, and toxic behaviors

At the end of the day, there cannot be queer liberation without fat liberation, too. Unfortunately, many queer men do not feel welcome in the gay community due to fatphobia, weight stigma, and negative weight-based attitudes and views. For gay men who already experience discrimination from the world at large, exclusion from their own alleged community can feel extra painful. It is going to take a lot of unlearning and intentional work to make gay spaces safe and inclusive for people of all sizes.

[Source: Within Health, June 2022]

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