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This is What Sex Feels Like for an Asexual Person
Psychology Today: Brief Primer on Asexuality
All Your Questions
Answered: What It's Like to be Asexual
PBS Interview: Asexuality
Love Without Sex
asexual community refer to themselves as "aces." A
catch-all definition characterizes an asexual as someone
who does not experience sexual attraction. Unlike
celibacy or abstinence, which people choose, asexuality
is an intrinsic part of who you are. Asexuality does not
make your life any worse or any better, you just face a
different set of challenges than most sexual people.
There is considerable diversity among the asexual
community; each asexual person experiences things like
relationships, attraction and arousal somewhat
"I do have regular sex, and it is pretty nice," one
asexual woman says of her relationship. "And I do feel
some sexual desire under special circumstances Ö but I
enjoy a lot of the sex with my partner only very
partially from my own sexual desire, which is minimal.
It's really from this secondary sexual desire, this
desire to make him happy, that makes it enjoyable. That
desire is a powerful force that stems from the head,
rather than my libido. I don't hunger for sex the way
other people might."
to researchers, some asexual people are happier on their
own or with a group of close friends, while other
asexuals have a desire to date and will form more
intimate romantic relationships. Asexual relationships
are based on the same elements that are also important
for many sexual people, like understanding, commitment,
trust, emotional intimacy and communication. For some
asexuals arousal is a fairly regular occurrence, though
it is not associated with a desire to find a sexual
partner. Some asexuals will occasionally masturbate, but
feel no desire for partnered sexuality. Other asexual
people experience little or no arousal.
What is Asexuality?
Is Asexuality a Disorder?
Asexual Relationships & Romance
What Do Asexuals Fantasize About?
Are Asexuals Part of the LGBT Community?
It's Okay to be Asexual
What Do Asexuals Want You
people have the same emotional needs as anyone else, and
like in the sexual community we vary widely in how we
fulfill those needs. Some asexual people are happier on
their own, others are happiest with a group of close
friends. Other asexual people have a desire to form more
intimate romantic relationships, and will date and seek
long-term partnerships. Asexual people are just as
likely to date sexual people as we are to date each
Sexual or nonsexual, all relationships are made up of
the same basic stuff. Communication, closeness, fun,
humor, excitement and trust all happen just as much in
sexual relationships as in nonsexual ones. Unlike sexual
people, asexual people are given few expectations about
the way that our intimate relationships will work.
Figuring out how to flirt, to be intimate, or to be
monogamous in nonsexual relationships can be
challenging, but free of sexual expectations we can form
relationships in ways that are grounded in our
individual needs and desires.
asexual people experience attraction, but we feel no
need to act out that attraction sexually. Instead we
feel a desire to get to know someone, to get close to
them in whatever way works best for us. Asexual people
who experience attraction will often be attracted to a
particular gender, and will identify as lesbian, gay,
bi, or straight.
sexual arousal is a fairly regular occurrence, though it
is not associated with a desire to find a sexual partner
or partners. Some will occasionally masturbate, but feel
no desire for partnered sexuality. Other asexual people
experience little or no arousal. Because we donít care
about sex, asexual people generally do not see a lack of
sexual arousal as a problem to be corrected, and focus
their energy on enjoying other types of arousal and
[Source: Asexual Visibility & Education Network]
Asexuality: What You
Asexual Relationships & the Ace Community
Chart: The Asexual Spectrum
Psychology Today: Brief Primer on Asexuality
The Ace Spectrum
The Asexual Visibility & Education Network (AVEN) has
devised a useful model which can be helpful in
understanding asexuality. This research-based model is
called the Asexuality Spectrum. Asexuality can be
understood in terms of Romantic Orientation and Sexual
Orientation and the interplay between the two. It
addresses the causes and effects of primary and
secondary forms of sexual attraction and sexual desire.
An asexual person's romantic orientation may be
described along a continuum as: heteroromantic,
homoromantic, biromantic, panromantic, or aromantic. (An
aromantic person experiences little or no romantic
attraction to others and/or a lack of interest in
forming romantic relationships.)
An asexual person's sexual orientation may be described
along a continuum as: asexual, gray area, demisexual, or
In between sexuality (persons who experience sexual
attraction) and asexuality (persons who do not
experience sexual attraction), there is a fluid or gray
area that is described by this model.
"Gray Area" or "Gray-A" is a term used to describe a
person who is both sexual and asexual. Other terms used
are "hyposexual" or "semisexual" or "asexualish" or "sexualish."
"Demisexual" is a term used to describe a person who
does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a
strong emotional connection with somebody. It is
commonly seen in, but not confined to, romantic
relationships. Demisexuality refers to an orientation
between sexual and asexual.
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